If I die young...

I've been in kind of a depression mood here lately. Monday was test filled. Tuesday was kinda better but test filled again. After school was practice and I hate the way we are yelled at. It's so ridiculous. We were leaving practice and I freaked out because Tonya's bus was NOT THERE. Lord, she scared me to death. She called and told me why. I'm much better now. I called Melanie and talked to her for a little while. I the proceeded to watch Glee. This week was much better than last weeks and the week before. Taylor Bundy has been my lifesaver lately. I honestly don't know what I would do in first period without her. We've had so many great stories and sparked a wonderful friendship. She makes my days SO much better. I love her.

So, in middle school, your biggest worry is what you wear and who is your BFFL that day. In high school, it's not only what you wear, but who your friends are and how they 'make' you someone different.

-Overall, I think I have surrounded myself with a fairly good group of people. I mean there are some people that annoy the crap out of me, some are really bad influences, some that just need a friend, and some that have been with me through the hardest parts of my life.

I don't understand why it's so easy to pick on someone, but not to tell them exactly how you feel. When you stand there and laugh, it makes a person feel terrible on the inside. Suicides and cuttings are results from the laughter people receive in the halls of school. How would you feel if you lost your best friend because of someone else's hatred. That's horrible. I know I'd be devastated if I lost Melanie.

Melanie has been my best friend since the beginning of 9th grade. I don't know how it happened, but we've formed a bond that most people would kill to have. We think alike in so many ways, it's honestly a wonder we aren't siblings. I've been there for her in the hardest times over this past year. I've been the best friend I know to be. I know I'd lose part of me if something were to happen between us. I honestly see a friendship that will probably last the rest of our lives. I just wanted her to know that I love her, even though I get in bad moods and say things I don't mean, I know she's going to be the one who ends up listening when no one else is. I love that i'm practically a part of her family. I love that we spend every waking minute together. I have a feeling that what people think is tearing us apart, is only making us stronger. She's a lifesaver. She's there. She's my best friend.


This girl in marching band just asked me if I hated her. That really made me feel bad. I want to know what I did to make her think that. I just don't know.

This world is crazy. It's stressing me out. Decisions suck. Ward tells me everything is gonna be okay. He's so sweet. To be honest, he's really been amazing dealing with my random moods. I don't think I could ask for a better boyfriend.

I miss Brittany and how we used to go into deep conversation about stuff. It sucks that she isn't here anymore.

I was looking through old pictures and it's amazing how we've all grown up. I love it.


Okay, I think i'm done with my soap box for today.

With love,
CMillaaa